I believe dogs teach us how to love unconditionally. One night, while aimlessly scrolling through my phone, I found River. I fell in love with him instantly, after looking at his picture for one second too long. His velvety ears, soulful eyes, and unique smoky color were nothing short of perfect.
As I scrolled farther, I found myself staring at my phone and reading his story. He was a senior dog and had been at the Lewis and Clark Humane Society, in Helena, for a while. He was addicted to fetch. He would chase a ball all day and every day, if you let him. He looked forward to going on walks, except in the cold. He adored people, and gave everyone kisses. He loved dogs of every shape, size, and color. He found joy while interjecting his howly opinions into every conversation. I got to the end of his story and found myself heartbroken. River had been diagnosed with liver cancer, his time on this planet quickly coming to a close. It was then that I knew that I needed this dog. I needed to give him a home to spend his last days. He deserved a place with no shortage of laughter, love, and of course, treats.
We had planned to go to the Oregon Coast over our spring break and I wanted to take River. All dogs deserve to run on the beach; running through the salt water with sand between their toes and chasing seagulls they will never be able to catch. Being the practical one in the relationship, Callan said no... at first. However, he too fell subject to those ears, so we picked him up on Friday. It was like he knew we were there for him; the second we walked through the Humane Society’s doors he started howling. Even through the glass he was loud, and we knew that he was going to fit right in with our hounds.
His energetic personality was deceiving, you could barely tell that he was sick. He was covered in lumps and you could count his ribs, but somehow that just added to his perfection. It was about a two hour drive home, which was spent with the three dogs in the back already snuggling and sleeping together.
Once back in Bozeman, we went straight to PetSmart and bought him a new leather collar. After that we took everyone to the dog park, where River played fetch and trotted around sniffing. Despite everything he had been through, he ran up to every person to say hello; proving dogs are able to love, no matter what.
That night, all three dogs slept on the bed with us. River curled up in a little white ball on our pillows and drooled until the morning. We spent the weekend getting to know River and all of his quirks. Everyone had eggs with breakfast, River had the biggest appetite and scarfed his kibble down in a matter of minutes, eggs and all. After breakfast, River wanted to play fetch. He and our puppy ran around the living room chasing tennis balls and howling back and forth at each other. We went on walks, and back to the dog park. River got a bath; oatmeal shampoo, conditioner, his ears cleaned, and nails clipped. Just in those couple days, River showed us such a big change in his personality. He was opening up, and learning that we were his family. Callan and I shared ideas about our beach trip, how River would love laying by the campfire, following every scent, scaring away every bird in sight.
But Sunday night rolled around and everything changed. His cancer had caught up to him. He spent the whole night throwing up, and I knew it was time to say goodbye. One of the hardest parts of being responsible for a dog, is being able to let them go. We all want to hold on to them. To believe tomorrow will be better and that today is just a bad day. You play the what if game with yourself until all you can do is cry. You talk to the vet, and then the other one, and then the other one still. But deep down, the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, is the feeling you have to listen to. The feeling that tells you that you have to say goodbye.
River left us three days later on Monday afternoon, after enjoying a walk and a Starbucks pup cup. Even though we only had him for a short time, Callan and I loved him unconditionally. He left this world in our arms, surrounded by love. We took his ashes to the beach with us, so he would forever feel the sand on his paws.
Winnie the Pooh once said, “if there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.” His collar now hangs in our room, and we think about him every day. Remembering how he would destroy the tennis balls he loved fetching, sit in the weirdest positions, and smile endlessly.
